Bothered

I know what you're thinking. It seems like I may start making more titles like troubled or bothered, any synonym or something. But, I'll try not to.

So far, I still have a hard time with my thoughts. Most of the time or all the time, in my head, I curse at my girlfriend. I'm not mad at her or annoyed at her. I'm actually not so sure. Well, it really helps for me when I tell her what I'm thinking and I'm trying to not get so bothered by it. True enough, it also helps if I say it here on the blog. I don't really want to say what I call her in my head, but it's bad enough to hurt her. Up till now, I think about it so much, and I am so sorry to her.. Especially when I disrespected her and her home.. I am so sorry about that too.. I have no excuse to even disrespect her nor her home.. I'm sorry..

Another thing that has been bothering me is the way I treat gaming. Honestly, the more I put importance to it or prioritize it, it destroys me in such way that I destroy my relationship with people, especially my girlfriend. I get so addicted to gaming that it seems like I become a different person. But I'll try.. I don't want to lose my love 'cause of what I do.. I keep telling her I'm trying to change, but I'm taking so long to change. It's like I'm taking baby steps to change how I am and how I act.. I'm sorry baby... Thanks for being patient though..

Apart from all that drama. Weirdly, it's my first day today. haha. I partly felt like I wanted people to welcome me back 'cause I was absent the first few days. I partly got what I wanted, haha. A felt a bit awkward on the first day, i'm not really sure why. Maybe, it's 'cause i'm just starting out,meeting my teachers for the first time and seeing all my classmates again.

Well, I was also thinking a lot today too, mainly my relationship with Tal. Well, I get to it in another blog in detail. To summarize it, I was just thinking mostly of the mistakes I've been doing, the hardships we've been facing and where this is all going.

Anyway, I hope I'm going to have a fun and memorable school. Hopefully, I do well and not be "so" lazy. haha.

Till next time.